


Shared Moments

by Junker



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Bittersweet, F/M, General Anxiety about the Future and the Fate of the Galaxy, Sexual References but no Smut, Spectre Requisitions Rare Pair Exchange 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 09:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13761675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junker/pseuds/Junker
Summary: Zaeed and Samara eat lunch together after the party at Anderson's apartment. They'll both soon be deployed to fight the Reapers, and they share each other's past and create a new memories for the present.





	Shared Moments

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kewkewkachew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kewkewkachew/gifts).



> My assignment was for kewkewkachew who requested Zaeed/Samara! I'm not particularly good at funny, so I hope this works just as well!

Zaeed found his stomach more solid than he expected when he finally left the party in the morning. The morning had felt uneasy, and it wasn’t just the hangovers. Everyone knew what came next, and the party had felt less like the end of a chapter and more like the end of a book. Zaeed was used to people coming and going throughout his life, but only the Normandy crew’s leaving left a small hole inside of him. If he survived the Reaper forces, he wondered if he’d move on like he did with everyone else in his life, or if it’d be a constant ache inside of him.

Most of the crew headed towards the Docking Bay, but he walked away from them and deeper into the Citadel. It wouldn’t be long before he met his squad and they sent them to earth to fight with the ground forces. It was much better than standing around the Citadel waiting for his expertise to be useful. He turned his head to see Samara approaching him, and he stopped walking. He wondered if he’d forgotten something at the apartment.

She wore a red choker sweater and a pair of black, slim-fitted pants. He knew it had to be comfortable and was meant to be more casual than her armour, but somehow he still felt underdressed in his faux-leather jacket and worn-in jeans. As she reached him, he thought she could have just walked out of a fashion magazine rather than out of the apartment.

“I thought, perhaps, we could have a quiet lunch together,” she said with a small smile. “I believe you complained that the apartment was out of bacon.”

The apartment was out of bacon because Zaeed had eaten a notable chunk of it. Zaeed rubbed the back of his neck, and she waited, her pale eyes on him. She’d politely declined him the night before, which had been fine, and he was surprised to get any offer for company now. He wasn’t entirely happy it was when he was sober and when no one else was around to act as a buffer. But it was just lunch. It wasn’t even officially a date.

“Sure,” he said, swallowing in an attempt to clear his throat. “Did you have some place in mind?”

She gestured in a direction, and they walked in the direction. Zaeed finally turned away from her to clear his throat before he asked, “What brought this on?”

“I was listening to you snore first thing in the morning and remembered our time together in the Starboard Observation,” Samara said. “It feels so long ago, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Zaeed said.

When they were hunting down the Collectors, he often visited Samara to try meditating with her, but he ultimately fell asleep, sometimes still upright, but more often splaying out on the floor next to her. She had said his snore was perfect white noise. He wasn’t so sure, but she never asked him to bugger off - and he knew she would if he had been bothering her.

“I have to admit,” Samara said, “I haven’t been around you that drunk before.”

“Christ,” Zaeed said. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make things awkward between us.”

“Not at all,” Samara said with a smile. “Not too many people flirt with me like that. Objectify me, certainly. Ask to be punished, definitely more times than I am comfortable with, but a casual flirtation between friends? Almost never.” She hesitated and added with a soft laugh, “Though I do not have many friends.”

Zaeed laughed. “Me neither.”

A bit of silence hung between them as they considered this information. Zaeed laughed again and said, “Wait, you’re saying you enjoyed it, right?”

Samara smiled and replied, “I suppose I am.”

They reached the small bistro and quietly read the menu as they waited in line. Zaeed’s hangover was mostly gone, and he snuck glances at Samara admiring the desserts. They ordered separately, and Zaeed absently wondered if he should have offered to pay for her. They took their number and coffees to a table on the balcony that overlooked the Silversun Strip and sat down. With all the neon lights, it felt like night again. 

“So are we both working with the ground troops?” Zaeed asked.

“Yes,” Samara replied. “I heard they’re putting me at the head of my own squad. It’ll be odd to work with people again.”

Zaeed nodded. “Same here, on both counts. I’m meeting my squad in a few days - looks like I’ll be with Citadel humans rather than Alliance troops.”

Samara replied, “And I will be with Citadel Asari. All of them have some basic training, but I feel bad that their maiden stages have been interrupted so violently.” After a beat, she said, “Though I suppose it’s the same for the humans.”

“Yeah,” Zaeed said. “They’re all civilians. As far as I know, they’re going through some basic training before being assigned to their squad leaders. Hell, I could have probably used a refresher. Not sure how good I’ll be at telling other people what to do.”

“Based on what I saw at the Collector base, I think you’ll excel at it,” Samara replied. “I heard you used to train the Blue Suns’ new recruits.”

“That was another lifetime,” Zaeed said with a sharp laugh.

Samara nodded, a bit absently, and her pale eyes glazed over as she thought of something else. He supposed she’d been a Justicar over the span of several of his lifetimes. He wondered what she considered in their silence. Did she regret her choices? He doubted it. Their food arrived in the silence, and they had both ordered loaded sandwiches. They ate quietly for several moments until Zaeed said, “I read a few of the books about you.”

Samara covered her mouth as she laughed. “What did you think?”

With a crooked smile, Zaeed said, “I’d like to think I know you well enough to know what bits where sensationalized, but they were a very entertaining read.”

Samara’s smile stayed strong, and Zaeed felt a bit lighter at the sight. He loved it when anyone kept her smiling like this. She said, “I’ll admit to reading them myself. They’re rather unrealistic, but when I stop focussing on all the inaccuracies, they’re quite fun.”

“Do you read trashy novels a lot?” Zaeed asked.

“We shall leave that question a mystery.”

“Oh no,” Zaeed said, “that is one question I want an answer to. If we both survive this, I’ll need to know what to pick you up as a congratulations gift.”

Keeping her good humour, she replied, “And you think a trashy novel is a good ‘Congratulations for surviving’ gift?”

“I mean, yeah,” Zaeed said with a shrug. “If it’s real trashy.”

Samara laughed, and to change the topic away, she said, “You know, I’ve read some literature about you as well.”

Zaeed’s brows furrowed. “I wasn’t aware there was anything about me. You reading those Shadow Broker reports on me?”

“No, no,” she said. “Joker pulled up your issue of Fornax for me.”

It was hardly something he was ashamed of, but he wasn’t sure how any Asari Matriarch would feel about it, let alone this Justicar who knew him personally. While the spread contained mostly pin-ups, there were several photos of him going down on an Asari Matron. “Oh, that,” Zaeed said. “Yeah, it was a fun shoot.”

Samara’s smile held strong as she watched him. She said nothing further, and Zaeed felt a little uncomfortable under her steady gaze. He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say. Rubbing the back of his neck again, he said, “Christ, what do you want to know?”

“Have you melded with Asari before?”

Zaeed shifted in his chair. “Yes.”

“So it’s not just sexual.”

“I mean, that particular experience was purely sexual,” Zaeed said. “Do you mean in general? Because I’ve melded with Asari on jobs before to exchange information.”

Samara tilted her head. “Do you know if you have any Asari children?”

Zaeed shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of - though not sure the mother would contact me if they did use our melding to do that.”

Samara seemed disappointed, and she took several bites of her sandwich. Zaeed returned to eating as well, a little relieved that the line of questioning was over. However, Samara added, “I think you would make a strong father for an Asari child.”

“You mean my genes, or me personally?” Zaeed asked with a laugh. “I think I’d be a lousy dad. I am tough as shit though.”

“Both,” Samara said. “Certainly you’re stubborn, but I’ve spent enough time with you to see that you can be patient when it’s necessary. I think you may be wiser than you let on.” Zaeed didn’t immediately reply, and Samara shrugged slightly as she added, “And I can picture you holding the hand of an Asari child as you walk through the Citadel, perhaps shopping. There are plenty of toy guns for Asari children.”

Zaeed laughed. “Shit, I’m flattered Samara, but I just don’t think I’m that deep.”

She shrugged again, and they returned to eating. Zaeed’s stomach sank as he considered how much Samara was willing to sacrifice for her own daughters. He doubted he could have done the same. He thought of Falere alone at the monastery, with nothing to do but wait - either for the war to be won or for the Reapers to return for her. Part of him wished he had lied to Samara to at least let her have her illusion of him wanting to be a dad.

He considered how lonely Samara may be. It was never something the books delved into, and he wasn’t sure she even really felt it, but perhaps the party emphasized his solitary lifestyle. It certainly had for him. They were all going their separate ways, and she had to leave her daughter alone while she held off the Reaper forces.

He noticed Samara’s smile fading, and he feared her thoughts went to the same place as his own. So he filled the silence with his combat stories, focussing on his time with Asari mercs. He left out stories with Asari betrayal, like Tristana, if only to keep up a good mood between them. He didn’t want things dragging down again.

They left the Bistro together in good humour, hesitating together outside of the entrance. Zaeed wondered if they’d stumble into each other again, or if this was it. She offered him a soft smile and said, “I suppose we’re going different ways.”

Zaeed nodded. They hesitated. Zaeed searched for words to say to her, and Samara seemed to do the same for him. She said, “I would have liked more time to talk with you.”

Zaeed watched her eyes as he replied, “Not sure you would have liked what you found.”

She shrugged and replied, “What’s that human phrase? It’s the journey, not the destination.”

“I thought Justicars were all about the destination.”

“If I was not allowed to enjoy the path, my life would be very empty,” she replied. “I am focussed, yes, and I stand by my Code, but I can still appreciate the little things outside of it.”

“I wouldn’t call myself little,” Zaeed said with a smirk.

Samara smiled and said, “I know. I’ve seen all you have to offer.”

The pair laughed together for a moment, and Samara lightly touched the front of her neck as she watched him. He knew the look. She was undressing him in her mind and considering if he’d be worth a quick roll. Zaeed tried to sound casual as he said, “I have a place if you want to mess around.”

“I’m meeting the Asari Maidens soon,” Samara said. “I’m afraid I don’t have time.”

Zaeed laughed. “I guess we could have skipped lunch.”

Samara said, “But I wanted to spend time speaking with you.”

Zaeed softened as he replied, “I was only joking. You know I like just spending time with you.”

Samara seemed sceptical, but she still lingered. She said, “A kiss for luck?”

Zaeed nodded, and she approached him. The hustle and bustle of the Citadel streets suddenly seem to die down as Samara’s eyes poured into him. His hands rested on her hips, gently drawing her closer. She cupped his cheek in her hand, and her thumb ran over the stubble under his chin. He waited, part of him needing to know she wanted it, that it was all her. She tiled his chin upwards, and he brushed his nose against hers as his eyes closed. For a heartbeat they breathed against each other, and then their lips touched, carefully brushing against each other before parting to kiss deeper. His hand ran up her back, and she curled his body against hers. Christ, he wished they’d gotten a room.

Their lips parted, reluctantly, but their foreheads pressed against each other, keeping them joined for a moment. They leaned into each other while watching each other through their eyelashes. Zaeed couldn’t remember the last time a kiss drowned out all the noise around him.

Without pulling away, Zaeed said, “You can meld with me to find whatever information you want about me.” He added, “Since we don’t have more time to just talk.”

Samara said, “You’re certain?”

Zaeed nodded. He wasn’t. He didn’t like being so vulnerable and open with another person, but he truly didn’t have anything to hide from her. If she didn’t like him after, that was fine. They could all be dead soon enough, and if they both survived, she might not like who he’d become anyway.

She brushed her lips against his, and he watched her eyes flick black as against his lips she said, “Embrace eternity.”

He felt her flicking through his memories, but she kept drawing forward memories of rage and anger and despair. People betraying him. Vido shooting him. Nights spent at the bottom of a bottle. All the nights he spent aching and alone and convincing himself he didn’t need anyone else. It all felt fresh and raw, as if he was reliving them now. His face ached as if the wound was still healing.

And he saw flickers of her own memories in response. Each time she found out her daughter was an Ardat-Yakshi. Morinth choosing to embrace it and watching her other daughters being deprived of so much because of it. Arguments with the father of her daughters. Embracing being a Justicar and the Code. The times she had to accept the Code even when she didn’t believe in what it asked her. The times she encountered a grey area and she had to make a ruthless decision because the Code demanded it. And the monastery. Watching one daughter sacrifice herself while the other stayed alone, waiting for her fate to meet her.

He realized they felt each other’s pain, but they couldn’t embrace or comfort each other as it only brought their own painful memories to the forefront. The emotional pain was unbearable, and he felt Samara filling with his ache for vengeance. She pulled away, abruptly, and he found himself back on the Citadel floor. He saw tears hanging in Samara’s eyes and wiped his own tears with his hand.

“Fuck, that was awful,” he said with a laugh.

Samara shook her head and swallowed. “I apologize. I’m not sure why I pulled those memories forward.”

The effects lingered, and again Zaeed thought of Falere alone at the crumbling monastery. “Please allow me to try again,” Samara said, her voice a bit strained. “I don’t want to leave you with those memories.”

Zaeed was uncertain, but he knew he could take whatever pain she felt - even nearly a century of it - if it meant she’d feel better afterwards. He nodded. “All right.”

“Think of all the people you have loved,” Samara said, and her teary eyes flicked black while she continued, “as you embrace eternity.”

She flicked through his memories again. She watched him train the Blue Suns through his eyes as he watched her daughters - even Morinth - grow up entwined with her love. Pride swelled inside them, and Samara quickly pulled up more memories. People Zaeed loved. People he’d kissed. People he’d fucked. Some memories she passed quickly, and others she lingered on. Nails on backs, kisses on inner thighs, the weight of another person in his arms.

And they relived Samara’s memories at what felt like the same time. Intimate moments with the father of her children. Whispered “I love yous” in darkened rooms. Fingers curling, kisses on necks, bites on shoulders. His lips - Samara’s lips - traced up the center of someone’s arched back. 

And they relieved their kiss from each other’s perspective. Zaeed’s stubble. The way he gently sucked her lower lip as they parted. How comforting his hand felt at the small of her back.

Zaeed was breathless as they parted. Her love enveloped him - both the love she felt for others and the love she’d received in turn. It was as if every warm embrace she’d received had now transferred to him. It was well worth the dull headache that started in his forehead. 

His grip on Samara was firm, but with one hand on his hip and the other on his cheek, she kept him steady. He realized his legs were weak. She nuzzled him softly in a soft way she now knew he liked. They embraced each other tightly, and Zaeed nuzzled at the base of her neck as she rested her cheek against his head. He didn’t consider Samara or himself as people who needed protection, but he couldn’t help feeling safe in the embrace. He hoped she felt the same.

They parted naturally, both watching each other and suddenly aware that they were in public. These days embraces like this were common at any level of the Citadel, and no one gave them the time of day. Their hands lightly joined, and Samara softly said, “I should go before I’m late. I still have to change.”

Zaeed nodded. “Good luck.”

“You too.”

Their fingers untwined, and Zaeed watched her walk away. She glanced at him once over her shoulder and offered him a smile before turning back around. It was strange, suddenly feeling as if he’d spent several of his lifetimes with her, but he didn’t feel a pang of sorrow as she left. He knew she’d fight until she literally couldn’t pull herself up anymore, just as he would. He only hoped they’d find their way back in each other’s arms, even if it was only another brief encounter like this one.

**Author's Note:**

> (Since the authors are revealed, I'm slapping up my links!)
> 
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JunkerFics) • [Tumblr](https://junkerfics.tumblr.com/) • [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/community/Not%20a%20Main%20Character) • 


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